Posted by: danielledisasterx3 on: September 4, 2010
www.thatgirldanielle.tumblr.com
www.thatgirldanielle.tumblr.com
www.thatgirldanielle.tumblr.com
Posted by: danielledisasterx3 on: August 21, 2010
the concept of justification gets me every time. why is it that we need to justify being sad or happy or indifferent or a mixture of them all? sometimes i feel like i just want to absorb everything. just listen to some indie mix tape in my room with candles, preferably during a summer rainstorm late at night, and take in the moment for all that it is. i wish i could have someone sitting next to me, though; someone who really understands and can even share the moment with me. because i think that sometimes it’s okay to not know things. to just be. and have that be alright for now.
time keeps moving and it’s scaring me because i feel like i can never keep up and things are going to change before i’m ready to face them. and everybody else seems to have a clearer picture of what they want out of life and i’m still wondering and trying to pick up the pieces for myself.
i seem to live for the hype of summer freedom. or maybe it’s just the concept of summer that i love most. the idea of possibilities: that i actually have the chance to do great things with great people and make great memories to tell people at a later date. i want to be the girl in the pictures laughing and smiling with incredible stories to tell. stories about dancing in the pouring rain and spinning with friends in the starlight till we all fell down and ridiculous nervy conversations with strangers whose faces escape me.
maybe i’m secretly afraid i’m always too late. with everything.
i think that maybe, without even knowing it, i am that person.
i firmly believe that it’s never too late.
i’m not jaded yet. i’m here and i’m alive and i’m ready for greatness.
you can’t feel it in your hands, you have to feel it in the depth of your bones.
you have to breathe it and live it; you just can’t fake passion.
Posted by: danielledisasterx3 on: August 2, 2010
i miss you more than words can say:
i don’t control this heart of mine anymore.
i’ve been gone since day one
of this new life you forced me to lead.
and i remember sleeping on the floor,
and stumbling out the door all those times,
and swearing that i’d never forget it at all;
well i didn’t.
i sometimes miss that radio we broke
and all the songs it used to play,
melodies dancing through my ears
sweetly, like we used to sway
back and forth with the breeze.
well those songs on my mixtape will always take me back,
even if you won’t.
Posted by: danielledisasterx3 on: July 23, 2010
the act of being slick and sleek just isn’t enough.
i’ve learned how to manage but i’m never a master
at anything i do.
and i hurt sometimes but i’ll be okay.
and people are cruel sometimes but i’ve memorized it
all too well.
just like i’ve memorized the way my legs always turn to jello
when i’m running on this pavement, my body melting,
just to know that i can feel again.
i used to feel when i was with the first one i ever gave my heart to,
when we used to spend our nights under the stars
swearing that there must be something bigger out there,
much bigger than us.
and he looked at my emerald eyes and told me pretty things.
now i spend my mornings at the bus stop
sipping sweet tea since i’ve been craving something sweet for a while:
caffeine, and my emerald addiction
to what i can never grasp as my own.
i will never master my addiction, compulsion,
it gives me a sense of thrill that can’t be washed away.
and my words are wasted …
kick the habit, kick the habit.
envy, lies, addiction: an art these eyes must let go.
Posted by: danielledisasterx3 on: July 18, 2010
nobody knows i dream about it.
this is my imagination.
—
more than anything, i absolutely hate feeling numb.
it’s like time just keeps going by and nothing changes.
the second hand on the clock seems to speed while my emotions are as stagnant as the summer air.
i’ve got some friends & they help me to forget temporarily,
but there’s this sense of emptiness inside and i don’t know what i have to do to make it go away.
i’ve tried and tried to make things right but it always ends up falling apart in my hands.
maybe this time i’ll try creating something just to know that i have the power to destroy it myself: i am the one with competence; i am the one who decides on letting things fall apart.
maybe i have to try finding beauty in the unknown,
exactly what i fear the most…
Posted by: danielledisasterx3 on: July 17, 2010
while i was out there,
i realized that the world can’t really fit
in the palm of your hand.
the world cannot be grasped;
it can be broken and bruised.
these oceans are much too big for us.
we can’t live
by the palm trees forever.
in the chaos i found comfort.
in the vastness i found a home.
in the vanity i found closure.
and in the vulnerability, i found beauty.
i have found wonders.
i’ve seen christmas lights reflect in the ocean.
the reflection of the water on housetops
looks like dancing spiders,
shimmying their way to the top of the world.
i hope they make it.
i hope we make it.
i hope the little things will be enough someday,
because it’s the little wonders
from the little moments
that construct this elaborate place of intricacy
we call
home.
Posted by: danielledisasterx3 on: July 17, 2010
when the sky is brilliantly blue
and gruesomely gray,
i like to run through the city.
sometimes far, sometimes not.
it’s always going to hurt.
my body stings sometimes.
but i have to see through
to the bigger picture.
it’s what’s best for me;
it’s what makes me feel good,
even through the pain.
just like my past.
sometimes i miss the city,
but not all the time.
your scent does not linger there
like it used to,
like it should.
that was our city but we
tore it down.
build it up to tear it down.
that’s just the way
that these things go…
Posted by: danielledisasterx3 on: July 10, 2010
i wish i could capture the feelings
of poets who understand
the way their bodies curve
as they dance alone.
but i can’t,
simply because i don’t understand yet.
so i watch and feel
to experience it all for myself.
i remember the way you smothered me
in my own white sheets
when dawn was about to break,
yet you were not even there to hold me.
sometimes i swear i can still locate your scent
in the spot we used to lie.
i seem to have memorized
the way you used to move in tune with me,
hearts beating like the drumline of a parade.
i envy the way you monitored your breathing,
because i never mastered getting enough air
to my lungs in time.
i’m always too late;
my eyes are always too busy
wandering the edge of the world.
some consider it time wasted,
but really, hasn’t time only just begun?
i get this feeling
when i look into the sunset
as it bleeds into a monday morning horizon
that there’s a whole other world
waiting to be explored;
we just have to get past the yellow hellos and dark red goodbyes
and breathe in time with the world.
Posted by: danielledisasterx3 on: July 9, 2010
stop talking of heartbreak and love loss;
this place will never be the same and we know it.
the lies we’ve told…
digress, digress:
repress the stress of my success.
your words, like daggers, can cut right through me
but i won’t let them get the best
because i have too many times.
i need control of these rhymes.
don’t try
to console my soul, just let it roll.
add air to the flame and let it go.
sure, you can master the disaster of a fire,
but you can’t restrain my brain.
have we all gone insane?
try to throw me to the fire but you know it’s all in vain.
Posted by: danielledisasterx3 on: July 5, 2010
“i thought we could wait for the fireworks…
this anniversary may never be the same.
inside i hope you know i’m dying
with my heart beside me
in shattered pieces that may never be replaced;
and if i died right now you’d never be the same.” -mayday parade
—
can you see what disaster you’ve created?
the sand castles we made got destroyed
by the tides that washed up everything
and crashed down against what we’d spent so long building.
the silence only makes it worse. silence will work throughout the night but when the morning comes, so does your redemption. don’t lose your last chance. because i’m losing my respect for the stranger with the absent eyes. and i’m beginning to hate you for making yourself become that stranger. although there is a type of beauty in the way you make me lose control. your gradual vanishment from my life has helped me to look past all the things that have become such a blur. and looking past this has made me see all the new chances i’ve been holding myself back from.
i’m a mess. i don’t know what i’m doing. i just want someone who won’t leave.
